New Year.. New You..

..isn't that how the saying goes.. well i think for me, this actually does apply! Starting off the year, unemployed certainly made things different.. although i don't regret the decision i made about leaving my previous job, it doesn't mean its not scary and undeniably something that weighs on the soul a little bit!

Ok.. i know that being unemployed isn't the most important things in the world.. happiness, love and laughter make life great and fulfilling.. but you can't deny that money will help with that.. i worry because now that i have moved out of "home" and out on my own (with my partner) in the big wide world, things that you never really took seriously before become way to real.. such as bills and paying rent! I'm lucky though, i have a very understanding and supportive partner, he keeps me sane and level, he knows when i'm feeling off and talks me through it and i always feel lighter.

It's only been a month, since i've been out of work but i'm already feeling antsy.. i don't know if its an in built asian thing.. where i "should" be working.. but i feel im taking control and making my own way through life and not as other people think we should be living.

Life is so precious that we should all learn to let go for a while, to free fall and enjoy the things that we all hold dear to us! So 2010.. come as you will, i am ready to take you on!

Live to the fullest!

An optimistic soul!

When you realise your new job.. Isnt the DREAM job!

I started a new job 3 weeks ago.. i had all the best intentions and was very excited for a new challenge. I needed a change!
Before i get into all this i feel i should set the scene.. I'm a 24 year old chinese girl, moved to the city from a small town with her partner. Up to this point in my life, "things" just have seemed to work out for me, i think we all get into the mindset that " wait and see what happens" but i've come to realise that life isnt like that.. i dont want to be just another "full-timer", going to work because its the thing that all "grown ups" do, going home being a domestic goddess at night and then the cycle starts all over again.
I feel inside that something is stirring, theres this feeling that i cant put my finger on... but its still elusive to me, i wish that this feeling would just pop out of me, in the form of a handy post it note, telling me where i should be looking for my next move in my career.
It is just this feeling though that is now terrifying me, making my head a jumble of thoughts and the main one if have now is that i want to quit my new job! Just typing the word "quit" makes me wince.. growing up within an asian family, theres always been that underlying pressure of doing well, that once you get a fairly well paid job, we should just stick with it but i want to break out of that, even though the people that i trust the most are telling me to give it a bit more time, it may get better. I've always been one of those people that look on the bright side of everything, i take things in my stride and not let things affect me.. but ive never had such a strong feeling of un-ease and i think this is the way that my body is telling me... "Come on, this is your time.. your time to take control". I say to myself, i want to take this plunge, but im afraid.. yes i want to do this for me but being an "adult", theres rent and bills to pay, and the expectation and maybe even the dissapointment that i will get from my family. I know that if i were to take this step, although they would never fully understand why, they will support me.
I do have some savings.. so i shall not be on the breadline, if i were to take this step.. i would try out jobs that maybe i would never do, part time jobs that will still allow me time to fully work out what it is i want.

I am so mixed up at the moment.. i just had to write down some of my thoughts, i've found that seeing things black and white brings some sort of clarity to the situation.. But the big question is..
What to do next?! Quit or stick with the job? HELP!

I shall carry on wrestling with my emotions.. and hopefully i shall have a "lightbulb" moment!

I shall let you know...

Feelings of the MIXED UP soul. x